Last night, friends came over for dinner. As usual, Louie cooked some wonderful homemade Yi’s recipes (yummy,yummyJ). When the kids went downstairs to watch a movie, the adults had a talk about the “differences” between American and Asian. One of the examples was when the girls were selling homemade dumplings in our neighborhood last weekend in order to raise fund for the kids with cancer at school. The dumplings were sold out and 100% purchased by Caucasians. Two of the Asian neighbors turned down the “offer”. Asians should like dumplings more than Americans, however it is not about the “food” itself; it is about trust. Another example happened when Selena and I went to Starbucks for a light dinner before her dance class the other day. As soon as we sat down, a girl came to us and told us the machine was down and the store would be closing. She offered complimentary coupons for us to come back next time. I shared this incident with my friends in China. One of them wrote back to me and said, if that had happened in China, the first reaction would be be “Is it true?” – the question mark! On top of that, there won’t be any “compensation”. It is about “trust”.
During the Cultural Revolution, relationships between people became very complicated and trust was damaged. It is why we always say Americans are easier to get to the point. Chinese sometimes have to go around and around before they make the point. It might have to do with the culture, but also life experiences really changed people in important ways. I remembered an interview was conducted here in US with one of the June 4th , 1989 Tiananmen Square Incident leaders. She said, “Everyone lies in China” and her point was that you almost had to “protect” yourself to lie about something in order to cover yourself. How sad that was! “Trust” and “Integrity” are such valuable characteristics to carry for a person.
China has five thousand years of culture, our ancestors taught us “a man without trust and integrity is not a true man”. Louie and one of the friends at dinner that evening went through the tough time of the Cultural Revolution. They were silent in the discussion until we finally all agreed that “America is like a huge laundry machine. People come from all over the world and bring their own colors. We might get ‘dyed’. But it all gets washed off eventually. “ No matter how complicated your thoughts are, finally we can be clear and direct here in the States. "
