A high school girlfriend recently found me and told me she is totally “free” now – no children and she quit her job to move to a new place with her husband. When she was online with Selena (she is Selena’s god mother), I was reading with Jasmine and answering some math questions from Liane, and Selena was asking me “mom, how to say ‘swamp’ in Chinese?”. I said, “Selena, tell your godmother to come over to take care of you. Only you!”.
What if we would not have had children? It sounds terrible! But I swear I have thought of it. Like the two of my close girlfriends, one is from high school (Selena’s godmother) and one is from college (Jasmine’s godmother), they are DINK (double income no kids). There are times I admire their freedom. Since I've had the girls, I did not recall anymore than three short business trips, where I left them at home. I always stay on top of everything that is related to them. Sometimes I forgot myself, my life, my time and my comfort zone.
I agree with what people say “Parenting is a sweet cause, but also bitter --- bittersweet.” In looking back on the past six years living in China, I recall how much of my happiness and honor have come from our 3three girls. I cried almost every time when Jasmine performed somewhere, which she did fairly often. Her consistency of striving to do well always touches me. Liane loves sports. Her courage and braveness in playing soccer, basketball and swimming are admirable--she never gives up!! Selena, our oldest, always strives for getting to be academically on top, regardless of how stressful it was. Each child is very different. How much I enjoy riding with them and talking about school, their friends and sharing life experiences with them. And of course, there are stormy times when their emotions go up and down dramatically --- usually one after another:)!
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What if we would not have had children? Well, I would certainly miss my chats with my girls. They each carry their own character and is very attractive (to mom at least):! The girls and I were praying the other night before we went to bed, and I regret to admit, I lost my temper with them and was asking for forgiveness. They were quietly listening to me,-- and then, here comes a low voice (from Liane imitating God) “It is OK, you are forgiven.” (her sense of humor always amuses me). Jasmine is very sensitive, she likes to take shower with me and talks about something private, “You know what mom? To be honest, I think Daddy and Liane really LOVE you. They need your attention. So remember to hug them each time when you say goodbye. Hug them tightly!” (her sensitivity always touches my heart). Selena has become much more mature since we moved back to Seattle. She helps with housework (knowing that we lost our privilege of having nanny in the last 12 years), she deals with Liane’s frustrations well and her calmness, maturity and sensibility goes a long way to help out.
What if we would not have had children? Oh, my! It's hard to imagine, but life would be so much less colorful. Right now, I see so much of “mom” in Selena and “ dad” in Liane, and Jasmine is the best part of “me”. It is very interesting to see them as a mirror reflecting certain parts of us, as parents. I am certain that we learn and grow right along with them. Without them, life will be so boring and I would not be able to conquer difficulties that come along in life -- perhaps, most fundamentally, I would not be me – a proud and hard-working mom and a fulfilled woman.
