Chinese New Year Memories and Plans

Jasmine was asking me yesterday when we were in Starbucks, “Mommy, what was your Chinese new year like when you were my age? And, if I ask about Grandpa being with you at the time, please do not cry, all right?”

I told her I would not cry, as I LOVE to talk about times when Grandpa was with us.  He cooked the best Chinese food for New Year’s Eve, usually when Grandma and I would take a shower and change into our new year clothes on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve. 

“Didn’t you need to help to prepare the New Year’s Eve dinner?”  she asked.

No, actually we did not have to.  Grandpa just enjoyed cooking, which is like your daddy.  But your grandpa liked to do everything himself.

“What did he cook for you?” 

He cooked fish, chicken, hotpot and lots of tasty food.  Grandma and I would get to watch TV after our showers, and we would wash clothes and clean the apartment.  It was the best thing to do -  just relax, eat and watch TV like you girls do on the weekend.  Grandpa did watch the Chinese New Year TV Gala with us after dinner.  Oh, he would do the fireworks right before New Year’s Eve dinner and after midnight. But he napped during the TV program, I guess he was tired.  On new year’s day, he would get up first, just after another round of fireworks. He would cook new year’s breakfast for us including a new year’s cake, ginger sugar tea and rice krispies.  It was like room service, we did not even have to get up to have breakfast!   Hongbao was always exciting.  But being taken care of, shown by each delicious meal made with love and joy is the most impressive memory.    I remember once, soon after breakfast while we were watching TV in bed, we were called to have lunch.  Of course, there were a lot of different varieties of food like the German Krispy Pork. Eating around the hotpot was always the best time for my family.  Ever since being a little child, spicy hot spot is my favorite.  Grandpa never complained. He cooked for us and enjoyed eating himself as well as watching us eat! J 

Lea as a teen & her dad 

“So grandpa was like daddy, sounds like he was a great chef.”     

 Yes. And, New Year’s here in the States will be celebrating like what we did in China – get together with friends or as a family and have at least one big MEAL.  On the menu, daddy has already written down: baked salmon, roast chicken, steamed clam, fried chicken wings, double-fried pork and hot pot. 

“So you are lucky to always have great cooks, Mom.  We are lucky too to have daddy.” 

 Yes honey, we should always appreciate what we have and enjoy it.  So we won’t regret things one day, when they are no longer with us. We should keep our memories vivid and sweet.  No tears at all.  This is the New Year spirit – always appreciate and enjoy life.

Jasmine Sings

Jasmine, my youngest daughter, and I have just returned from a short visit to China. It was a fun whirlwind of a time. It is the first time she and I have traveled for such a distance, having extended “mom and daughter” time. This purpose of this trip was to attend and participate in the ceremonies to announce the Top Ten Children’s Songs and Top Ten Young Performers in China. There were more than 175 performers participating in the show, showcasing more 120 original children’s songs. Though I received notice that Jasmine had been included in the Top Ten Child Performers in China, and that her song had also been chosen among the Top Ten Children’s Songs, I did not want to spoil her surprise. I waited until she was on stage and it was announced on live TV during the awards show the evening of January 10th . That is when she found out the news. It was hard to resist telling her ahead of time, particularly during the ceremonies, when she asked me if I thought she had a chance, but I wanted her just experience the moment and enjoy the surprise. 

The reason for this opportunity originated while we were still living in Guangzhou during 2012. Jasmine has always loved to sing, and she had been taking voice lessons and it was recommended for her to make a short album. She chose a song about happiness by Han Chun, a well-known song writer. The song received quite a lot of air play. Similar to the US, there is a “billboard chart” of popular songs, this particular one is somewhat new and it is centered on children’s songs. Her album began to climb this children’s song billboard. It climbed the charts for several weeks, rising from number 18, 13, 11, 9 to 7. It was then number 2 in the country for two weeks and spent one week at number one in the country. In fact, for eight weeks between June 1st and July 20, her song was listed among the top 20, and was receiving about 20,000 daily hits. 

So, all of this led her to being invited the awards ceremony in January. This awards show included several different types of awards, such as Top Ten Composers; Best Female singer; etc. She was included in the two categories of Top 10 Songs and Top 10 Singers. In fact, Jasmine is one of the youngest singers to be listed on the Top 20 songs, which is quite fun for her. Although just eight years old, she is a rather relaxed and calm personality, though once she gets on stage to perform, she seems to “blossom” and become quite the performer. I’m including a number of photos from the evening’s event and some “selfies” she and I took along the journey. The master of ceremonies asked her several questions during the evening and asked if she preferred to speak English or Mandarin, to which Jasmine replied “Either one is fine” and he was quite taken with that!

Our short trip was a delightful time of mom and daughter togetherness time. We crammed our time completely full to be able to see as many friends and also family as possible. My aunt and also my mom were able to come to the festivities and Jasmine was able to see a few China school friends. Wow, it was a whirlwind time of delightful fun. It was also a glimpse into my daughter’s growing personality, as she seemed to take it all rather casually and simply and just enjoyed the experience on the red carpet at the awards equal to the fun she had seeing her school chums and visiting family. I was not only proud of her for her accomplishment, but also how calm and grounded she was during all the commotion of the ceremonies, autographs and pictures. What an honor and delight that we got to do this -- and though it was hard to keep the secret – it was fun to watch her find out! This experience will always hold a special place in my heart, as does Jasmine!

t is time of the year to reflect and pause and express thanks. Here are some of our family’s personal reflections we recently discussed at home.  I captured them and am sharing with you, our friends.
Family and friends are the ones we appreciate the most.  For me, besides my parents, my husband, my children, my friends and the staff  at Lotus Travel, I am thankful for meeting many people whom I’ve met either in person or not throughout my life.  I think each encounter is one I can learn from.  The flower man who sold flowers everyday downstairs of our Guangzhou apartment; the bike dak guy who worked to pursue his dream of meeting his loved girl; and many others who taught me to appreciate, love and be totally present in the moment.



The year of 2014 has been filled with challenges and blessings. Our girls have had a big transition with change of countries, language and schools.  The hardest transition has been the language.  Louie and I have been working around the clock again without helping hands after living in China for six “comfy” years with a nanny to assist us. The transition has been smooth so far. It turns out our girls LOVE the school here; they are blessed to have GREAT teachers.
Louie works the same as before.  A lotJ! This year he has traveled twice to lead groups; during the summer time he led two groups and he also is leading one during Christmas time.  He continues loving what he is doing and has more followers to Uncle Louie Tours each year.  I take a lead role at home with a focus on the girls’ schooling, including communication with teachers, volunteering and after-school activities.  There is also chauffeuring the girls for dancing, singing, swimming, soccer, piano and more! Selena still loves reading; her favorite book right now is “Fault in our Stars”. Being in the school here for just six months, Selena has already become one of the top students. Liane loves sports; she plays front position on the “She-Hawks” soccer team and scored 13 out of 21 for her team (undefeated so far) this season.  Jasmine continues her voice lessons; we have learned that Jasmine was nominated in five categories of the Top Ten Chinese Children’s Singers. Also, we’ve been notified that one of Jasmine’s songs was nominated among the Top Ten Chinese Children’s Songs. This is the very first time that the Chinese Songs Listing Board has given awards to Chinese children. We are really proud of her. Selena and Jasmine are also learning Chinese dance and Ballet from Mr. Li HengDa, the judge for ‘So You Think You Can Dance?” China-US Competition.  All three girls play piano; Louie is a good monitor/supervisor of daily practices

For me, two memorable events happened this fall.   First of all, I traveled and visited the FCC group in Vancouver, BC.  Also accompanying me was Jenni “Fang” Lee of the documentary “Somewhere Between”.  Though we had talked on the phone previously, this was our first in-person meeting.  Spending time with Fang was as delightful as I had anticipated!  While she spoke to FCC kids, I spoke to adults; then I was able to hear her perspective as an adult adoptee and appreciate her experiences of traveling back to China 14 times following her adoption.  Her discussion/ Q&A time with parents was compelling.  I also was able to share about our family’s experience of living in China for the past six years.  There were lots of rewarding experiences to discuss about living between two cultures.

Another delightful experience was joining 2014 Holt Portland Gala in order to raise funds for providing medical support to children in China.  Lotus Travel was one of the key sponsors of this event. Our youngest daughter, Jasmine was honored to sing a beautiful Chinese song at the VIP reception of the event, and it was a rich time with Holt families, board members and friends at Holt.   I recently read (in Chinese) that provided a comprehensive overview of China adoption during the last twenty years. Mr. and Mrs. Holt were highlighted in the article as the pioneers of international adoption. All of this caused me to stop and consider how fortunate we have been.  Louie and I started working with families twenty years ago, about the time that adoptions from China began to get started.  We have been involved in a very personal way, with helping families connect and travel to meet their child for whom they earnestly worked and waited.  This opportunity – to be in the midst of this life-changing journey for so many – has enriched us immeasurably.   I wish you and yours the very best this coming year!                                               

Blessings,
Lea Xu

 

A Typical Day in Guangzhou, China

Louie and I had been planning to make our family’s return to the US in January 2014; which we accomplished on schedule.  I am writing a few paragraphs to share insight about our life routine in China just prior to our US return.  There are many things I love about each country.  I must admit though, I will not miss the Guangzhou traffic or the testing and homework pressure of China’s schools J!

I’ve picked a typical day, happening about three months prior to our  return.  We thought it was right time for the nanny to leave and started looking for a new job in order to move on with her life.  I would get up at 6:00 or before and start to cook breakfast. I thought I forgot to cook as we had the nanny before Selena, our oldest was born.  Then I realized nothing was impossible, lol J!   Girls like to eat ham and eggs with toast.  I also cooked noodles with soup. Sometimes I cooked congee with dumplings or steamed buns.  The wakeup call was 6:30A, breakfast time was 7:00A, and we tried to leave home at 7:20 which allowed the least amount of time on the road (20 minutes) to get to school.  During this last year in China, Selena was in a different campus from her two sisters.  I would go to Selena’s school first, especially
on the days I was too lazy to cook. Sometimes we ate at the McDonald's which was right across the street from her school.   Selena would walk across the street to school and I would take Liane and Jasmine to another campus.  By the time we would get to the lower grade’s campus, there were always already lots of cars on the street in front of the school.  This was a very busy street and it was really narrow, with two-way traffic and many people doing “illegal” parking.  Sometimes people would have to drop off their kid in the middle of the road.  Sometimes I would run into traffic jams and had to stop wherever I could to let the girls get out.  There was always a lot of people walking, lots of cars and lots of students.  It was hectic and crowded.   By the time we would get to the second campus, it could be already 8:00A.  The school bell rings right at that time.

I clearly remember one time I was totally stuck and caused a huge traffic jam.  There was a lot of illegal parking that morning; there were garbage cans right at the crossroad and also there was construction going on.  All of a sudden, a car was stopping right in front of me.  It blocked the entrance area.  Since I saw no cars were coming from the other side, I tried to pass by him quickly.  Right at the moment a Mercedes drove toward me.  I tried to back up, but that didn’t work -- a car parked right behind me, and the garbage cans were blocking the area too.  There was no way for me to back up and get out of the blockade.  The driver jumped out of the Mercedes and yelled at me.  I told him that he would have to back up and let me pass, otherwise both ways were jammed.  He did not want to do that, and ended up calling a policeman. The policeman came and yelled at me, I told him, I had a car stop right in front of me (not moving) and a car park right behind me.  The other car would have to back up!!  I was totally stuck in the middle.  After the Mercedes driver backed up, I drove by him, I opened the window and told him “I am sorry, but Mercedes does not have its own lane.”

The traffic usually was better coming home.  I had a choice to either go to the gym on the way home
or go home to park my car and walk along the river bank.  Gym opened at 8:00 am, I was usually the first one to get there.  I usually liked walking outside along the river better, as it was more  scenic. There were many people exercising in the morning along the river People would be doing Tai Chi, street dance, running or walking. There was always lots of people and  music.  My goal was to walk 10 kilometers every day. I plugged in my earphones, tuned to my phone for music and walked 5 kilometers each way.  That was the quiet and private time for me and the walking was absolutely scenic.  I would see sights like the famous XingHai Music Hall and the Art Museum from across the river on the Ersha Island. I would walk under Guangzhou Bridge, past the Asian Game Stadium, thelandmark Guangzhou TV Tower, LieDe Bridge and walk toward Pazhou Bridge.  It was totally

relaxing and enjoyable.  There was this bicycle rental “dak”  for people to “rent” bikes for free.  Because it was about 4 kilo from home, I did not want to come back all the way back to return the bike.  I was talking to this young guy about if I could return the bike at another dak spot along the river. He apologized and told me that would break the rules.  I was just curious why he worked there, I thought he

Bike Rental "Dak"

was the college student of Dr. Sun-Yatsen University (which is located right by our place), or maybe just a volunteer.  He told me actually he met a girl before when they both came to pick up bikes from here, he wanted to find  her again so he applied for the job here.  He came from countryside, his home was far away.  Since then, I thought of him and his “love” story whenever I passed by any daks.  People sometimes came from different places to meet for a good reason I guess.                        

After my morning exercise (1 hour 40 minutes), I usually go back home to work.  We lived in a nice apartment complex in the city.  People drove very expensive cars and dressed nicely.  At the entrance, I greeted the guards.  Right by the gate, this flower man was sitting there almost every morning.  Louie usually bought flower from him, 20-25 yuan a bunch, and a lot cheaper than in the store.  He smiled every time when you walked by, it was almost impossible to just pass by.  I was not sure if it was legal to sell flower without a license at that location.  Sometimes he would leave and take his bicycle walking around the neighborhood.  Other than my husband, the security guards, he probably was the man I saw almost every day regardless the weather was cold, hot or rainy.   I am sure he has a family to raise and his wife and children were waiting for him to go home every day with food and hopefully some money left for saving.

I took a nap after lunch, which was the supplement to my late working hours at night to match the US time zone.  I still kept that habit even after I started to be able to sleep at 10:00P and didn’t work a night shift.  Louie and I had a little tea time after napping before I went to pick up girls.  Because all three girls have different schedules, whoever got off earliest went to swim in the school pool.  The pickup time was 5:00 pm, Selena would walk to the other campus to meet us (as walking was fast than
driving between the two campuses during rush hour).

I sometimes went to this French Restaurant by school called “These Three” for coffee.  The owners are three brothers in their 60’s (I heard they were not married and just lived together as a family), the oldest brother is in charge of inventory, middle one is a chef and the youngest one is a coffee “lover”.  All of them went to Vietnam and France and lived there for a long time before moving back

Guangzhou TV Tower

to China.  Chef Ken speaks good English and French.  Every single time when I was there, he was reading some cooking magazines.  We sometimes would chat a bit and he let me try the new dishes he was making.  The youngest brother is funny, he likes to talk about coffee, and he would feed my girls chocolates whenever they were around.  Overall, it was like a waiting place for me and the girls.  Selena liked to order the onion bread there. The girls sometimes ate with the staff to try their food before the restaurant put out a new dish.  We were like their best “repeat” customers -- or maybe more like friends, or something in between.  I kind of liked the feeling --very cozy. 

Xianghai Music Hall  

We would get home around 6:00 pm and the night was pretty busy with homework.  Louie loves to cook, so he always made supper, and we usually started  eating around 7:30 pm.  By this time, the girls had not finished homework, as they have several hours each night. After dinner, usually another 1-1:30 hours to complete school assignments before taking a shower and getting ready for bed.  10:00 pm was the goal to turn off the light.  But usually we all ended up going to bed at 10:30 when Xinghai Music Hall’s most beautiful neon lights went off. At the same time, the lights along the river bank went off too.  The night became quiet.  There were times Selena and I would lie down on the couch and read another 30 minutes before we all were exhausted and fell asleep. Although the night was not long, when the day broke, it was time to start the next day!

Kids Are Only Young Once

 

During this past month, when we were busy planning year-end school parties ( I volunteer for each of our three girls’ classes); plus Selena’s graduation promotion party, my girls’ friends in China were preparing for their school year-end final exams.  Parties vs. finals--  wow, what a huge contrast! 

 I do not want to comment that one is good and another is bad.  During the past six years when we were in China, I actually was helping support my girls' year-end exams.  I remember after Selena was done with her first final exam of first grade, I was totally exhausted.  My feeling at that time, was actually similar to the feeling as after my own college entrance exam. What a relief!    At that time, I told myself, "This is not right".  It was just a beginning -- it's first grade!  But Chinese parents do not want their child to lose at the beginning.  Chinese people appreciate and follow the slogan “Be a winner at the beginning of the race”.  It's a really popular thought. 

We all know, life is not a dash.  It is much more like a marathon.  I was exhausted at beginning when I “dashed out” with my oldest child.  This is one of the reasons we switched her to a different school.  I started to relax when it came to second child’s turn.  The difference is my oldest, Selena does read a lot more than Liane, the typical middle child.  Sometimes Liane “complains” how much time and energy I

put on Selena.  When it came to the third one, I tried to take a break.  I clearly remembered when Jasmine’s teacher asked online in a message forum between teachers and parents about if summer vacation homework should be given.  I am the ONLY parent that said NO. And she came back to me  and said, "Other children do not have to but your child, Jasmine  has lost 8 points due to  missing one section of the Chinese test and needs to".   Of course, her score did affect the average grade of the entire class.  Oh boy, the teacher was SOOOO mad.  Later I found out that she  was really only asking parents the “homework or not” question, was simply a courteous formality she felt was required.  There was really only one right answer  -- we, as parents,  were expected to answer "YES".  Unfortunately, I was the naive one with a “wrong” answer.  

In China right now,  my girls’ Chinese friends are finishing up final exams. Parents and teachers are talking about arranging extra homework on top of the regular summer homework for the kids.  China’s elementary school has six years.  So this is an essential summer "vacation" for Selena’s friends in China.

 With them going into sixth grade next year they will have to get ready for the “promotion test” from elementary to middle school.  The other day, Selena was sitting in a friend’s car with her two daughters.  My friend told me, that Selena abruptly said “I am so happy to be here” even though they were totally talking about something else.   I understand why she said this.  Eight hours in school followed by three hours homework day after day is not fun.  Kids are only young once.  

I want them to be happy and healthy.

What if we would not have had children?

 A high school girlfriend recently found me and told me she is totally “free” now – no children and she quit her job to move to a new place with her husband.  When she was online with Selena (she is Selena’s god mother), I was reading with Jasmine and answering some math questions from Liane,  and Selena was asking me “mom, how to say ‘swamp’ in Chinese?”.   I said, “Selena, tell your godmother to come over to take care of you. Only you!”. 

 

What if we would not have had children?  It sounds terrible! But I swear I have thought of it.  Like the two of my close girlfriends, one is from high school (Selena’s godmother) and one is from college (Jasmine’s godmother), they are DINK (double income no kids). There are times I admire their freedom.  Since I've had the girls, I did  not recall anymore than three short business trips, where I left them at home.   I always stay on top of everything that is related to them. Sometimes I forgot myself, my life, my time and my comfort zone.

 

 I agree with what people say  “Parenting is a sweet cause, but also bitter --- bittersweet.”  In looking back on the past six years living in China, I recall how much of my happiness and honor have come from our 3three girls. I cried almost every time when Jasmine performed somewhere, which she did fairly often.  Her consistency of striving to do well always touches me.  Liane loves sports. Her courage and braveness in playing soccer, basketball and swimming  are admirable--she never gives up!! Selena, our oldest, always strives for getting to be academically on top, regardless  of how stressful it was.  Each child is very different.  How much I enjoy riding with them and talking about school, their friends and sharing life experiences with them.  And of course, there are stormy times when their emotions go up and down dramatically --- usually one after another:)!

 

 

What if we would not have had children? Well, I would certainly miss my chats with my girls.  They each carry their own character and is very attractive (to mom at least):!  The girls and I were praying the other night before we went to bed,  and I regret to admit, I lost my temper with them and was asking for forgiveness.  They were quietly listening to me,-- and then, here comes a low voice (from Liane imitating God) “It is OK, you are forgiven.” (her sense of humor always amuses me).  Jasmine is very sensitive, she likes to take shower with me and talks about something private, “You know what mom? To be honest, I think Daddy and Liane really LOVE you.  They need your attention. So remember to hug them each time when you say goodbye.  Hug them tightly!” (her sensitivity always touches my heart).  Selena has become much more mature since we moved back to Seattle.  She helps with housework (knowing that we lost our privilege of having nanny in the last 12 years), she deals with Liane’s frustrations well and her calmness, maturity and sensibility goes a long way to help out.

 

What if we would not have had children?  Oh, my! It's hard to imagine, but life would be so much less colorful.  Right now, I see so much of “mom” in Selena and “ dad” in Liane, and  Jasmine is the best part of “me”.  It is very interesting to see them as a mirror reflecting certain parts of us, as parents. I am certain that we learn and grow right along with them. Without them, life will be so boring and I would not be able to conquer difficulties that come along in life -- perhaps, most fundamentally, I would not be me – a proud and hard-working mom and a fulfilled woman.

 

Cultural Differences -- Cultural Revolution -- Trust

Last night, friends came over for dinner. As usual, Louie cooked some wonderful homemade Yi’s recipes  (yummy,yummyJ).  When the kids went downstairs to watch a movie, the adults had a talk about the “differences” between American and Asian.  One of the examples was when the girls were  selling homemade dumplings in our  neighborhood last weekend in order to raise fund for the kids with cancer at school.  The dumplings were sold out and 100% purchased by Caucasians.  Two of the Asian neighbors turned down the “offer”.  Asians should like dumplings more than Americans, however it is not about the “food” itself; it is about trust.   Another example happened when Selena and I went to Starbucks for a light dinner before her dance class  the other day.  As soon as we sat down, a girl came to us and told us the machine was down and the store would be closing.  She offered complimentary coupons for us to come back next time.  I shared this incident  with my friends in China.  One of them wrote back to me and said, if that had happened in China, the first reaction would be be “Is it true?” – the question mark!  On top of that, there won’t be any “compensation”.  It is about “trust”. 

During the Cultural Revolution, relationships between people became very complicated and trust was damaged.  It is why we always say Americans are easier to get to  the point.  Chinese sometimes have to go around and around before they make  the point.  It might have to do with the culture, but also life experiences  really changed people in important ways.  I remembered an interview was conducted here in US with one of the June 4^th , 1989 Tiananmen Square Incident leaders.  She said, “Everyone lies in China”  and her point was that  you almost had to “protect” yourself to lie about something in order to cover yourself.  How sad that was!  “Trust” and “Integrity” are such valuable characteristics to carry for a person.

China has five thousand years of culture, our ancestors taught us “a man without trust and integrity is not a true man”.  Louie and one of the friends at dinner that evening went through the tough time of the Cultural Revolution. They were silent in the discussion until  we finally all agreed that “America is like a huge laundry machine. People come from all over the world  and bring their own colors.  We might get ‘dyed’.  But it all gets  washed off eventually. “ No matter how complicated your thoughts are, finally we  can be  clear and  direct  here in the States. "