Twenty Years of Memories

Last month, I attended a celebration in Guangzhou, which was hosted at the US consulate in Guangzhou  (see photos included here). The purpose of the event was to commemorate 20 years of China -US adoptions.  The evening was incredible and full of memories of the 20 years.  I spoke at the event, and "Somewhere Between" was shown.   It was  emotional to watch Fang search for her birth parents and not yet find them.  And to watch Haley locate her birth parents, especially when the two families were united and hugged.  The girls were not lost and found, they had two moms and dads who love, care and think of them.  During that moment It occured to me that the last 20 years was rewarded.  There was a mom and adopted daughter on the panel on the consulate celebration night.  When audience said the daughter was lucky, and the mom said “no, we as parents were the lucky ones”.  I was in tears.  

This past week I have experienced a lot of memories.  It was  20 years ago  (Dec. 10) when I landed at the  SEA/TAC airport, arriving to the US for the first time from China. I am grateful to my parents who encouraged me to fly over to the US and start my new life in Tacoma.  I am pleased that Louie, worked before hand and initiated contact with adoption agencies throughout US before my arrival. So much has occurred during the past 20 years, including  working with  approximately 30,000 families who traveled to adopt and unite with their children.  Last week was the anniversary of my 20 years in US; October marked Lotus’ 20^th anniversary.   Wow!

Lotus Travel is like our 20 year-old "baby".  Louie and I contributed part of our life together as we also established this relationship with the adoption community. As Louie continues to lead homeland heritage tour groups, I am focused on cultural exchange ; living in China life experiences as well as sharing and giving back to the community.  Life is moving on. We are grateful for being part of the adoption journey with so many families.  I pray that as we continue,  the journey filled is filled with joy, peace and hope.  

Dance: A Gift from the Past and Present to my Girls

 It has been 24 years since the last time I was on stage.  I had a solo performance in a Korean dance called "Dancing in Autumn" last month.  That date was also the celebration of the 20^th anniversary of  the Hengda dancing school    It also happened to fall during Louie’s recent month long absence when he traveled to Tibet.   Being a “single” mom (temporarily) with three children, in addition to work, cooking, cleaning and chauffeuring the girls around for after school activities,  it was extra busy with the addition of the group and private lessons.    One might  wonder whey I decided to take the assignment.  It really felt like it was the right and especially appropriately timed opportunity for me.

    You see, it was that 14 years ago when I first learned the same dance. Then, I found that I was pregnant with Selena, our oldest daughter back in early 2002.
 I have always been a big fan of dance, I started to learn dancing when I was six years old.  Dancing had always been in my heart up until I was pregnant with one after another with three of my daughters. Of course I am much older, bigger than when I was practicing rhythm gymnastics in college.  I have  lots of vivid memories of doing both choreography and dancer myself since middle school years.    Taking care of three children, along with practiced and rehearsal again and again was a challenge for my body and time commitment at this age.   

 However, when I was told by  an audience member, they heard a girl said “She is my mom.” at my performance, I knew my girls were really proud of me.  In some ways, this is one of the best moment that this proud mom  could ever have. *******************************************************************************************

Me During College Gymnastics 

Chinese New Year Memories and Plans

Jasmine was asking me yesterday when we were in Starbucks, “Mommy, what was your Chinese new year like when you were my age? And, if I ask about Grandpa being with you at the time, please do not cry, all right?”

I told her I would not cry, as I LOVE to talk about times when Grandpa was with us.  He cooked the best Chinese food for New Year’s Eve, usually when Grandma and I would take a shower and change into our new year clothes on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve. 

“Didn’t you need to help to prepare the New Year’s Eve dinner?”  she asked.

No, actually we did not have to.  Grandpa just enjoyed cooking, which is like your daddy.  But your grandpa liked to do everything himself.

“What did he cook for you?” 

He cooked fish, chicken, hotpot and lots of tasty food.  Grandma and I would get to watch TV after our showers, and we would wash clothes and clean the apartment.  It was the best thing to do -  just relax, eat and watch TV like you girls do on the weekend.  Grandpa did watch the Chinese New Year TV Gala with us after dinner.  Oh, he would do the fireworks right before New Year’s Eve dinner and after midnight. But he napped during the TV program, I guess he was tired.  On new year’s day, he would get up first, just after another round of fireworks. He would cook new year’s breakfast for us including a new year’s cake, ginger sugar tea and rice krispies.  It was like room service, we did not even have to get up to have breakfast!   Hongbao was always exciting.  But being taken care of, shown by each delicious meal made with love and joy is the most impressive memory.    I remember once, soon after breakfast while we were watching TV in bed, we were called to have lunch.  Of course, there were a lot of different varieties of food like the German Krispy Pork. Eating around the hotpot was always the best time for my family.  Ever since being a little child, spicy hot spot is my favorite.  Grandpa never complained. He cooked for us and enjoyed eating himself as well as watching us eat! J 

Lea as a teen & her dad 

“So grandpa was like daddy, sounds like he was a great chef.”     

 Yes. And, New Year’s here in the States will be celebrating like what we did in China – get together with friends or as a family and have at least one big MEAL.  On the menu, daddy has already written down: baked salmon, roast chicken, steamed clam, fried chicken wings, double-fried pork and hot pot. 

“So you are lucky to always have great cooks, Mom.  We are lucky too to have daddy.” 

 Yes honey, we should always appreciate what we have and enjoy it.  So we won’t regret things one day, when they are no longer with us. We should keep our memories vivid and sweet.  No tears at all.  This is the New Year spirit – always appreciate and enjoy life.

Jasmine Sings

Jasmine, my youngest daughter, and I have just returned from a short visit to China. It was a fun whirlwind of a time. It is the first time she and I have traveled for such a distance, having extended “mom and daughter” time. This purpose of this trip was to attend and participate in the ceremonies to announce the Top Ten Children’s Songs and Top Ten Young Performers in China. There were more than 175 performers participating in the show, showcasing more 120 original children’s songs. Though I received notice that Jasmine had been included in the Top Ten Child Performers in China, and that her song had also been chosen among the Top Ten Children’s Songs, I did not want to spoil her surprise. I waited until she was on stage and it was announced on live TV during the awards show the evening of January 10th . That is when she found out the news. It was hard to resist telling her ahead of time, particularly during the ceremonies, when she asked me if I thought she had a chance, but I wanted her just experience the moment and enjoy the surprise. 

The reason for this opportunity originated while we were still living in Guangzhou during 2012. Jasmine has always loved to sing, and she had been taking voice lessons and it was recommended for her to make a short album. She chose a song about happiness by Han Chun, a well-known song writer. The song received quite a lot of air play. Similar to the US, there is a “billboard chart” of popular songs, this particular one is somewhat new and it is centered on children’s songs. Her album began to climb this children’s song billboard. It climbed the charts for several weeks, rising from number 18, 13, 11, 9 to 7. It was then number 2 in the country for two weeks and spent one week at number one in the country. In fact, for eight weeks between June 1st and July 20, her song was listed among the top 20, and was receiving about 20,000 daily hits. 

So, all of this led her to being invited the awards ceremony in January. This awards show included several different types of awards, such as Top Ten Composers; Best Female singer; etc. She was included in the two categories of Top 10 Songs and Top 10 Singers. In fact, Jasmine is one of the youngest singers to be listed on the Top 20 songs, which is quite fun for her. Although just eight years old, she is a rather relaxed and calm personality, though once she gets on stage to perform, she seems to “blossom” and become quite the performer. I’m including a number of photos from the evening’s event and some “selfies” she and I took along the journey. The master of ceremonies asked her several questions during the evening and asked if she preferred to speak English or Mandarin, to which Jasmine replied “Either one is fine” and he was quite taken with that!

Our short trip was a delightful time of mom and daughter togetherness time. We crammed our time completely full to be able to see as many friends and also family as possible. My aunt and also my mom were able to come to the festivities and Jasmine was able to see a few China school friends. Wow, it was a whirlwind time of delightful fun. It was also a glimpse into my daughter’s growing personality, as she seemed to take it all rather casually and simply and just enjoyed the experience on the red carpet at the awards equal to the fun she had seeing her school chums and visiting family. I was not only proud of her for her accomplishment, but also how calm and grounded she was during all the commotion of the ceremonies, autographs and pictures. What an honor and delight that we got to do this -- and though it was hard to keep the secret – it was fun to watch her find out! This experience will always hold a special place in my heart, as does Jasmine!

A Typical Day in Guangzhou, China

Louie and I had been planning to make our family’s return to the US in January 2014; which we accomplished on schedule.  I am writing a few paragraphs to share insight about our life routine in China just prior to our US return.  There are many things I love about each country.  I must admit though, I will not miss the Guangzhou traffic or the testing and homework pressure of China’s schools J!

I’ve picked a typical day, happening about three months prior to our  return.  We thought it was right time for the nanny to leave and started looking for a new job in order to move on with her life.  I would get up at 6:00 or before and start to cook breakfast. I thought I forgot to cook as we had the nanny before Selena, our oldest was born.  Then I realized nothing was impossible, lol J!   Girls like to eat ham and eggs with toast.  I also cooked noodles with soup. Sometimes I cooked congee with dumplings or steamed buns.  The wakeup call was 6:30A, breakfast time was 7:00A, and we tried to leave home at 7:20 which allowed the least amount of time on the road (20 minutes) to get to school.  During this last year in China, Selena was in a different campus from her two sisters.  I would go to Selena’s school first, especially
on the days I was too lazy to cook. Sometimes we ate at the McDonald's which was right across the street from her school.   Selena would walk across the street to school and I would take Liane and Jasmine to another campus.  By the time we would get to the lower grade’s campus, there were always already lots of cars on the street in front of the school.  This was a very busy street and it was really narrow, with two-way traffic and many people doing “illegal” parking.  Sometimes people would have to drop off their kid in the middle of the road.  Sometimes I would run into traffic jams and had to stop wherever I could to let the girls get out.  There was always a lot of people walking, lots of cars and lots of students.  It was hectic and crowded.   By the time we would get to the second campus, it could be already 8:00A.  The school bell rings right at that time.

I clearly remember one time I was totally stuck and caused a huge traffic jam.  There was a lot of illegal parking that morning; there were garbage cans right at the crossroad and also there was construction going on.  All of a sudden, a car was stopping right in front of me.  It blocked the entrance area.  Since I saw no cars were coming from the other side, I tried to pass by him quickly.  Right at the moment a Mercedes drove toward me.  I tried to back up, but that didn’t work -- a car parked right behind me, and the garbage cans were blocking the area too.  There was no way for me to back up and get out of the blockade.  The driver jumped out of the Mercedes and yelled at me.  I told him that he would have to back up and let me pass, otherwise both ways were jammed.  He did not want to do that, and ended up calling a policeman. The policeman came and yelled at me, I told him, I had a car stop right in front of me (not moving) and a car park right behind me.  The other car would have to back up!!  I was totally stuck in the middle.  After the Mercedes driver backed up, I drove by him, I opened the window and told him “I am sorry, but Mercedes does not have its own lane.”

The traffic usually was better coming home.  I had a choice to either go to the gym on the way home
or go home to park my car and walk along the river bank.  Gym opened at 8:00 am, I was usually the first one to get there.  I usually liked walking outside along the river better, as it was more  scenic. There were many people exercising in the morning along the river People would be doing Tai Chi, street dance, running or walking. There was always lots of people and  music.  My goal was to walk 10 kilometers every day. I plugged in my earphones, tuned to my phone for music and walked 5 kilometers each way.  That was the quiet and private time for me and the walking was absolutely scenic.  I would see sights like the famous XingHai Music Hall and the Art Museum from across the river on the Ersha Island. I would walk under Guangzhou Bridge, past the Asian Game Stadium, thelandmark Guangzhou TV Tower, LieDe Bridge and walk toward Pazhou Bridge.  It was totally

relaxing and enjoyable.  There was this bicycle rental “dak”  for people to “rent” bikes for free.  Because it was about 4 kilo from home, I did not want to come back all the way back to return the bike.  I was talking to this young guy about if I could return the bike at another dak spot along the river. He apologized and told me that would break the rules.  I was just curious why he worked there, I thought he

Bike Rental "Dak"

was the college student of Dr. Sun-Yatsen University (which is located right by our place), or maybe just a volunteer.  He told me actually he met a girl before when they both came to pick up bikes from here, he wanted to find  her again so he applied for the job here.  He came from countryside, his home was far away.  Since then, I thought of him and his “love” story whenever I passed by any daks.  People sometimes came from different places to meet for a good reason I guess.                        

After my morning exercise (1 hour 40 minutes), I usually go back home to work.  We lived in a nice apartment complex in the city.  People drove very expensive cars and dressed nicely.  At the entrance, I greeted the guards.  Right by the gate, this flower man was sitting there almost every morning.  Louie usually bought flower from him, 20-25 yuan a bunch, and a lot cheaper than in the store.  He smiled every time when you walked by, it was almost impossible to just pass by.  I was not sure if it was legal to sell flower without a license at that location.  Sometimes he would leave and take his bicycle walking around the neighborhood.  Other than my husband, the security guards, he probably was the man I saw almost every day regardless the weather was cold, hot or rainy.   I am sure he has a family to raise and his wife and children were waiting for him to go home every day with food and hopefully some money left for saving.

I took a nap after lunch, which was the supplement to my late working hours at night to match the US time zone.  I still kept that habit even after I started to be able to sleep at 10:00P and didn’t work a night shift.  Louie and I had a little tea time after napping before I went to pick up girls.  Because all three girls have different schedules, whoever got off earliest went to swim in the school pool.  The pickup time was 5:00 pm, Selena would walk to the other campus to meet us (as walking was fast than
driving between the two campuses during rush hour).

I sometimes went to this French Restaurant by school called “These Three” for coffee.  The owners are three brothers in their 60’s (I heard they were not married and just lived together as a family), the oldest brother is in charge of inventory, middle one is a chef and the youngest one is a coffee “lover”.  All of them went to Vietnam and France and lived there for a long time before moving back

Guangzhou TV Tower

to China.  Chef Ken speaks good English and French.  Every single time when I was there, he was reading some cooking magazines.  We sometimes would chat a bit and he let me try the new dishes he was making.  The youngest brother is funny, he likes to talk about coffee, and he would feed my girls chocolates whenever they were around.  Overall, it was like a waiting place for me and the girls.  Selena liked to order the onion bread there. The girls sometimes ate with the staff to try their food before the restaurant put out a new dish.  We were like their best “repeat” customers -- or maybe more like friends, or something in between.  I kind of liked the feeling --very cozy. 

Xianghai Music Hall  

We would get home around 6:00 pm and the night was pretty busy with homework.  Louie loves to cook, so he always made supper, and we usually started  eating around 7:30 pm.  By this time, the girls had not finished homework, as they have several hours each night. After dinner, usually another 1-1:30 hours to complete school assignments before taking a shower and getting ready for bed.  10:00 pm was the goal to turn off the light.  But usually we all ended up going to bed at 10:30 when Xinghai Music Hall’s most beautiful neon lights went off. At the same time, the lights along the river bank went off too.  The night became quiet.  There were times Selena and I would lie down on the couch and read another 30 minutes before we all were exhausted and fell asleep. Although the night was not long, when the day broke, it was time to start the next day!

Cultural Differences -- Cultural Revolution -- Trust

Last night, friends came over for dinner. As usual, Louie cooked some wonderful homemade Yi’s recipes  (yummy,yummyJ).  When the kids went downstairs to watch a movie, the adults had a talk about the “differences” between American and Asian.  One of the examples was when the girls were  selling homemade dumplings in our  neighborhood last weekend in order to raise fund for the kids with cancer at school.  The dumplings were sold out and 100% purchased by Caucasians.  Two of the Asian neighbors turned down the “offer”.  Asians should like dumplings more than Americans, however it is not about the “food” itself; it is about trust.   Another example happened when Selena and I went to Starbucks for a light dinner before her dance class  the other day.  As soon as we sat down, a girl came to us and told us the machine was down and the store would be closing.  She offered complimentary coupons for us to come back next time.  I shared this incident  with my friends in China.  One of them wrote back to me and said, if that had happened in China, the first reaction would be be “Is it true?” – the question mark!  On top of that, there won’t be any “compensation”.  It is about “trust”. 

During the Cultural Revolution, relationships between people became very complicated and trust was damaged.  It is why we always say Americans are easier to get to  the point.  Chinese sometimes have to go around and around before they make  the point.  It might have to do with the culture, but also life experiences  really changed people in important ways.  I remembered an interview was conducted here in US with one of the June 4^th , 1989 Tiananmen Square Incident leaders.  She said, “Everyone lies in China”  and her point was that  you almost had to “protect” yourself to lie about something in order to cover yourself.  How sad that was!  “Trust” and “Integrity” are such valuable characteristics to carry for a person.

China has five thousand years of culture, our ancestors taught us “a man without trust and integrity is not a true man”.  Louie and one of the friends at dinner that evening went through the tough time of the Cultural Revolution. They were silent in the discussion until  we finally all agreed that “America is like a huge laundry machine. People come from all over the world  and bring their own colors.  We might get ‘dyed’.  But it all gets  washed off eventually. “ No matter how complicated your thoughts are, finally we  can be  clear and  direct  here in the States. "

In China -- How to Change to a Better School?

I was told the principal of the school, Ms. Wang greeted students every morning, Monday through Friday at 7:45 am.  I drove to the school on one of the chilly mornings to meet my friend Lilian. Her son had got accepted into the same school after her husband, a nice, humble Taiwanese man introduced himself and their son right at front gate of the school.  I was going to do the same. 

We waited in the car, until Lilian pointed out the principal, an elegant woman in red overcoat was standing right by the front gate with a beautiful smile on her face to greet each of her students and teachers.  I got out of my car and patiently waited until the school bell rang.  I went forward and introduced myself and shook hands with her.  I certainly was not shy. I felt like a sales-woman who had to finish the introduction of our family, three daughters and why we came all the way from US to China within a short time frame.  She listened, nodded and smiled, even praised me and my husband for our “great” decision of moving to China to learn Chinese and its culture.  We talked about 10 minutes before I expressed my gratitude and left.  The meeting was pleasant, but I did not know this would be just the beginning of a marathon. 

This was was December 2009 --  the school  was starting winter vacation in early Jan 2010  and would be out of session for one month.  After I exchanged many (I mean many many) text messages with Ms. Wang, I was told the quota was full for spring semester which started after Chinese New Year and continued until the summer vacation.  

If I were to tell you I had never used this much effort in my communication skills-- not even on marketing business to build up clients base, you might laugh -- but it is so true.  If I had done work with the same effort, now Lotus would have triple the number of clients now (LOL!)  I did not give up. I kept in close contact with Ms. Wang.  She felt sorry that she could not help with the quota (education bureau puts a  limit on the number of students of each class, which is 47!!). She suggested I write to the head of the district education bureau.  That was the most beautiful letter I have ever written.  I expressed our desire of entering into the school, the research I had done, the long trip we made from US to China, our family and three lovely girls, each had their own talents to bring to the school.  I personally delivered the letter to the education bureau office.  I did not hear back for at least two months. 

By this time, it was already late April. I knew that mid-May is the deadline for fall semester registration.  Since the girls are US citizens  and we were not living within the school district, I could not just go and register the girls.  The waiting time was very long and tough.  I decided to make a call to Ms. Wang, even though the call might not be picked up. I thought, it most likely wouldn’t get picked up.  I was anxious to know anyway… Yes, she answered the phone!!  And guess what? The head of the district education bureau was sitting right next to her!!  They were having a meeting together and it was the break time.  She told me that she would ask about the letter and get back to me.  This could be an excuse to end the conversation.  But I could tell she sensed my feelings and was willing to help.  I saw a glimmer of hope and even became hopeful to hear back from her that day.  Of course that was not what happened though. After a few days of waiting, I saw this text message:  “Please come to school at 2:30 pm today”.  Selena and I both dressed up and arrived at 2:15 pm.  A parent was in the principal’s office, talking and bowing with tears (the mom later became my friend, her son was in the same class with Selena) and looked like she was grateful to the principal.  Finally, it was our turn.  Selena talked about the book she brought along to discuss. The book was written by a Japanese writer who had written about her school and principal when she was young.  Ms. Wang also read the book and was happy that Selena’s reading level was quite advanced.  I was asked to fill out some family investigation forms.  And I was told we could come to register Selena on May 14.  By looking around the campus, I found they had a very small playground and the slides were old.  When I expressed my desire to make donation to make the playground nicer, Ms. Wang told me the school already had funds from the education bureau for that and thanked me for my gesture. Our family later made a donation which was used to set up a school counselor program, to help both teachers and students.  We are really pleased with the donation usage, and Ms. Wang and I became lifelong  friends.

Researching Schools in China

The time was September 2009, when our oldest daughter Selena started first grade in China.  We liked a public school that was a well-known local university’s attached elementary school in Guangzhou.  It was also close to where we lived, so it seemed ideal.  I still have very vivid memories of Selena and I walking the thirty minutes through the university campus each way every day to school.  We talked, laughed and tried to recite English words along the way.  It was fun and we both really enjoyed our private mother-daughter time.  Ms. Li was Selena’s lead teacher; she was very rigid and controlling.  I understood she was also the first grade teachers’ leader, which meant she led the teachers group and had direction for all the first grade students in the school.  I certainly did not expect she would try to lead the parents as wellJ!   I decided that I appreciate respect more than leadership from my daughter’s teacher. 

At this time it was 1 ½ years after we moved back to China.  I went online searching and found a group called Guangzhou Mothers.  There was a huge amount of discussion about schools in Guangzhou and there were ratings of each as well.  There was one top school which listed that It’s mission included being “student-based”  -- this of course, really caught my eye.  In China’s traditional teaching, it is always  “teacher-based”  -- what that really means is that the teacher talks the entire time and students listen only and take notes.  The teacher is never to be questioned and even if everyone knows the teacher is wrong, no one will say anything of it.  This school described their approach as “student-based” which meant that students would discuss topics in different groups in the class and ask questions with a lot of opportunity for students to present information themselves.  In this school, reading was also highly encouraged, with most of their students reading a great number of books and words from first grade. Sounds like a great fit!  But how to transfer from one school to another?

Differences: Dance Competition

The girls  and I recently watched a Champion Dancing Competition between China and US ("So You Think You Can Dance"). While the program originated the US, China broadcast it while we were still there. The competition was between the champion dancers of China and US.  Coincidently one of the five judges, the only Chinese judge Mr. Li Hengda is  the girls’ dancing instructor here in Seattle.  This is definitely the top competition, here is the link http://www.tudou.com/albumplay/SWbunVpEi2c/S6RGeutcIHI.html

 

Chinese dancers won the overall best group competition. Their training foundation and skills are very strong and their presentation is artistic and flawless.  The individual winner was, Russell from US.   Russell won the super star/dancer over China’s Zhang, AoYue.  My observation is:  you know Chinese artists or athletes are trained professionally typically from 4-5 years old for a good 10- 20 years full time before they became famous. One example of this that comes to mind is LangLang (the Chinese pianist).  He has practiced 9 hours a day every day since he was five.  I am not sure anyone can have that long lasting of an “interest”.   Yes, we have heard over and over, that is why you are not LangLang or "xxx" because you can not endure the hard times. Langlang’s dad almost caused him to commit suicide when he refused to practice.   I  remember reading Michael Phelps biography (Olympics’ seven gold medal swimmer).  It told of how he loves swimming and enjoys it. 

 

I am sure many of our Chinese “stars” must love what they have been doing before they commit to it. However, there is still a difference in the culture that affects each differently.   It showed in the dance competition.  China’s essentials of basic training is way above; the dancers are visually beautiful and present each move very nicely.  However, US dancers are more of the “international model”.  It has to do with the culture, education and overall environment.   During the performance, the American dancers really touched us with their enthusiasm about dancing. It was funny and relaxing to watch. As a matter of fact, my three girls really supported the US group in their cheering because they loved their natural and relaxed style.  I think the soul of art is to touch people’s heart and when that happens, it is contagious. 

 

People even said the Chinese dancers were much more relaxed in the Las Vegas competition than when performing in China.  I totally understand.   This is why when we just look at an American kid you can tell he/she is different from a Chinese kid (our girls are a little different, they are "wild"J) .  Americans are more at ease.  Chinese people will say Americans are natural to become an actor/actress or a public speaker since they are much more relaxed, natural and poised.  Chinese are trained to be intentional in everything they do -- it must be for a purpose.  Of course things have changed a lot, China is changing and connecting to the world and is beginning to learn to play under the “international model”.